“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
After reading this I made it my goal to not talk negatively
about my husband, in any way. And when I put the effort in, I really began to
notice everyone around me saying heartbreaking things about their significant
other. On Facebook, it’s constantly wives/girlfriends putting down husbands/boyfriends.
My thought is, maybe if we didn’t do these things publicly, maybe they would
change (self-fulfilled prophecy??).
As a wife, you’re not suppose to talk negatively about your
husband, unless you are getting Christian advice from the wives of the church.
Even then you are getting advice not bashing your husband. When I first read
this part of Proverbs, it really hit me. I could literally hear all the
negative, nagging things I had said about my husband to other people. oh he
doesn’t do the dishes enough…,today he just sat and did nothing….,I’m so tired
of…., and on and on and on.
As I began to write this and develop it in my head, I was
getting text about ‘I do it better’, it’s easier if I do it because he doesn’t
know what he’s doing’. Maybe we need to take the time to teach them so they CAN
do things better (this is if you like your house cleaned or things done a
certain way. Like most of us, but it’s for good reason…right ladies?) =)
It’s now my goal to only lift my husband up when talking
about him, unless I’m getting motherly, Christian advice from my amazing
mother-in-law. Even then, I need advice,
so I shouldn’t be just putting him down.
When we were getting married, I got the advice of, “Never
talk negatively or at all about your husband to your girlfriends”. At the time I
thought she was crazy..who was I going to rant too? Never did it occur to me to
talk to him (Hey I was 20 when we got married, young and dumb anyone?) But now
that I’m a lot wiser (hahahahaha) I understand. See in Proverbs 31:23 it says, “Her
husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic
leaders.” You see when you talk badly
about your husband, when you tear him down piece by piece, it changes how other
people see him. My girlfriends don’t have a private relationship with my
husband. They know him and we all spend time together, but they base their opinion
mainly off what I say.
My best example of this is a friend I had who also complained
about her husband. I only ever heard bad things about him and how he was
treating her badly. After a while I realized that I didn’t really like him, due
to how he treated her, and I didn’t even know him. I met him like a hand full
of times, THAT’S CRAZY!!!
This doesn’t just work for when you publicly talk about your
husband, you have to build him up in private it too. I HAVE to work on this. Often times he tries
to help me around the house, or do something for me and I get irritated because
it’s not done how I WANT it to be done. I’m constantly reminding myself that it
will get done, he’s doing it, and in his own way. I HAVE to make myself walk away
and let him do it, because when I come in nagging and tearing down how he’s
doing something, it makes him feel badly. It makes him feel like he’s not good
enough to do something and that I don’t trust him to get it done. That’s
horrible, I don’t want him to feel that way.
When I was pregnant with our daughter my husband lost his
job. At the time I wasn’t working and being 5 months pregnant, I knew I wouldn’t
get a job good enough for us to continue living on our own. We ended up back at
my parents house (not fun!). He didn’t
know what to do and was really struggling emotionally. I tried my best to be
supportive of him and what he wanted to do. Finally he decided he wanted to go
back to school. I worked my butt off supporting him; giving him words of
encouragement, trying to build him up, and having a job while he figured things
out. The better a man feels about himself, the better everything else in his
life will be. When he started to feel better about himself and really put in
the effort (because I constantly gave him words to life him up, to keep him
going), he got the job he wanted.
PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND!!!! That is the BEST advice I can give
you. Always pray for your husband, because he needs help in every aspect of him
life, just as you need help in every aspect of your own life. Often times in movies and media, it's the mans job to do sweet things and build up the confidence of the girl. Have you ever tried doing those sweet things for your husband instead? If you want to try something do what I call smiles. I do these for my husband all the time. I write "SMILE... because you're loved, you're the best husband ever...or what ever you want. I will put them in his pants when I fold them and put them away so he gets surprised. I put them in his truck or lunch bag. For fathers day I'm making my husband one of those book things made from a deck of cards. I'll do 52 thank you notes and put a clip on them. When ever he feels unappreciated, he'll know some of the things I appreciate him for. Anything to give him a little encouragement and make him feel better about himself and everything he does for our family (which is A LOT).
If you want to talk about your husband, try talking to him first. I promise something will come of it.
Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know....no really!!! Even if you didn't like it, let me know. And if you want more ideas on doing little things like the smiles, let me know. I have a ton...seriously
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